Letting Go Of The Past

By: AquaBlutopia

It is Extremely Hard for some people to Let go of an situation in the past that has cause them some sort of deep pain. It is usually so easy for another person, who has not walking in your shoes to say, “Let go of the past and move on..”  It’s easy to say, but so much harder to actually do! We all mess up sometimes whether it’s lashing out at a friend or engaging in a self-destructive behavior, or dealing with trust issues due to a broken heart, etc. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Not the friend who backstabbed you. Or the dad that wasn’t there for you. Or even the ex who broke your heart. Why? Because you know yourself and you live with yourself every day. Go figure.

Without even realizing it, we punish ourselves for past mistakes or regrets, as if we could somehow fix the wrong that we’ve done or that was done to us. We tend to put ourselves down, humiliate ourselves, and sabotage our own accomplishments. When we are unable to forgive ourselves and others, we get in the habit of ripping ourselves apart.  we are then likely to project our negative attitude on the people around us, holding them accountable to the same harsh judgments as we hold ourselves. This can also make us feel and appear arrogant and angry, stifling our relationships and making us appear less attractive.   We end up walking through each day feeling less-than we are. We call ourselves losers. No good. We live chained to our past, holding on to hurts and grudges. And though no one else may know about our secret pain, the negative emotions we feel gnaw away at our joy and satisfaction in life.,.

 

These emotional habits may be lurking under the surface, knotted so tightly into our routine we don't even realize they're there. To get more out of life, we need to learn to let go of these draining, self-destructive mental habits and learn how to become more supportive, forgiving towards ourselves and look towards the furture.

When it comes to the past, silence can be deadly. So stop pretending. Free yourself from the bondage of holding it all in. Talk about what’s tearing you apart inside. Express the emotions you feel to a counselor, mentor, or friend you can trust. Forgiveness starts with being honest and vulnerable about who you are…the good and the bad. So say what you need to say. Some people go through life pretending things never happened, maybe it will all go away,” we tend to think….Sounds nice…but not true. Choose to break out of denial and express whats on your mind.

As an imperfect person, you will make mistakes in life. Face it,. You will have regrets. It’s part of living in a less-than-perfect world. But you have a choice. Either your past will keep you in a rut of pain, guilt, shame…or you will accept it for what it is and experience the freedom to move on and enjoy the now. Self-acceptance is critical to your emotional health…so don’t miss out.

Evaluate the expectations you (and others) set for you. Are they healthy? Or unrealistic? If you find yourself never being able to measure up—no matter how hard you try. We all have beliefs about what we are supposed to do. And when we don't meet our own expectations we commonly use our shortcomings as the basis for self-attacks. We build up a case against ourselves based on our ideas of what we should have done and stir up feelings of guilt and regret. It  also make us miserable about the future. Demanding endless performance from ourselves, we put ourselves under intolerable pressures, and then become overwhelmed by fear of failure.

    
Even when we accomplish our task we allow ourselves little credit. Instead of enjoying and praising our success, we pass it off as no more than what we were supposed to do anyway.   Start to change a few things in your approach to life. Healthy expectations are achievable and fulfilling, not draining and overwhelming.

Do your best to let go of it all and  Don’t allow yourself to  hold on to regrets. You don’t need to justify your past actions or try to prove yourself. Letting go of the past means burying it and giving up your right to engage in self-condemnation. Forgiveness is a choice, but also a process. It’s choosing to stop hating yourself and cutting yourself down, but instead, seeing yourself as a valuable human being.

Forgiving yourself is tough. It means striking a deal with yourself…to let the past be past and live in the present

to stop beating yourself up for a situation that was not your fault or about something that happened two or five or ten years ago

to banish guilt and shame from controlling your thoughts and behaviors

to accept and respect yourself as you are…in spite of your screw-ups. Remember, No one is perfect in this World!

So learn to forgive yourself and others live life to the fulliest.